Internal Struggles, Argument Style

Maybe I do argue with myself...I denied it earlier today, but I've been having a real internal struggle about the rest of my life. Helga asked me today (pretty much out of the blue) why I am working at this job if it's not what I want to do with my life. I don't know where she got the idea that I don't want to be doing what I'm doing for the rest of my life (I don't, but I don't advertise that to her either), but then again...why am I working there? I'd say the money but it's not much. Barely squeaking by, I feel like. I don't even have the money to fix the growing patch of rust on my car. It will fall apart before I've saved enough to fix the original hole. I mean, I enjoy some aspects of my job, like looking at phytoplankton, culturing them to keep them alive, literature searches and library research, talking to people at all stages in their careers... But then again, the plankton are really too small for me to grasp as living creatures, I have a slight conceptual problem with swimming plants, and biochemistry really isn't the ecological level I feel most passionate about. I really love looking at population dynamics and ecosystem changes. It's not what I do that I don't like so much as the level is really too small for me. Somewhere in the Antarctic proposal there are population dynamic projects written in, but I don't think our group is working on them. Shucks.

On an entirely different note, I've got 14 inches done on the front of this sweater, and I most definitely can not knit on Qantas flights. Tragic. I hope to finish this sweater for Jim's birthday. That would be so nice. It's too bad he had to spend so much on his car today.

I think I'm growing more and more obsessed with what I'm going to do with my life. Scary. I have a long and ever-increasing list of things I'd like to do with my life. Shockingly, working at Bigelow is not one of them, not unless a certain person disappears. Said person shall go unnamed. In case in his/her many hours of wasting time on the internet he/she comes across this blog. And knows it's me. Yikes, scary. I kind of like knowing almost no one reads this. I should put a counter on my page... :)

Doggie Style

I met Ashley today, my parter in crime for my trip to Antarctica. She was very funny, although I hope I wasn't too animated for her...I was a little hyper when I met her due to a (nearly) empty stomach. Not entirely empty, though, since I ate two organic orange cherry tomatoes... We split a super good pizza which I'd like to make myself sometime...they started with a focaccia, and covered it in tomato slices, then fresh mozzerella slices, then some sliced black olives. Microwaved it (I'd put it in the oven, personally), then gave it to us to enjoy. Oh, and I believe there was some garlic-y olive oil in there too somewhere. Mmm...

I think I'd like to own a weiner dog. No joke. Those things are so cute when they aren't barking... I've met a few real nice ones and I think they are the dogs for me. Although I'd love to adopt a cutie from the pound.

I had a nice dinner with Barry and Leah last night. Barry told me he'd use my website in class, so I guess I'd better get crackin' on that one. I haven't touched the design in over a week. I didn't manage to get any photos, which was sad. I was hoping to snap some good ones to bring with me. I know I'll see Leah again before I depart, but I'm not so sure about Barry...

You know what I haven't done in awhile? Taken an Emode test. They were a bit more popular when I had a lot of time to waste. So why are they not more popular now, you ask? Good question.

It's going to rain this Sunday, and we were planning on going to the Fryeburg Fair. Not sure what's going to happen in that rodeo. We may scrap it and go next weekend. Which could be fun, since Lisa's friend Mike is coming up and they were planning to go to the fair. Not sure if they want some just Lisa&Mike time or if they'd want to go with us, and stop at the MMM Great Lost Bear for dinner before our Reid Genauer and the Assembly of Dust concert that evening. Could be a full day.

Misleading Blog Title

I was just sitting here (on our new futon, how wonderful) knitting, and thinking about how misleading the title of my blog is. The name "Ladybugger" goes back over a year when I was trying to think of a name for my brand-new iBook so I could put it on the Bowdoin network. Since Jim occasionally calls me Ladybug, presumably as a friendly term of endearment, the computer was spontaneously named Ladybugger. Now that I look back, it really seems somewhat obscene. Assuredly, obscenity is neither intended nor pertinent to my lifestyle. Unless you'd like to think it is...

I'm going to the Common Ground Fair tomorrow!! I've never been, I think it really ought to be fun. I'm going to keep an eye out for some nice yarn to knit a scarf for my mom with, provided it's not excessively expensive. Which it might be. I went to Halcyon Yarns in Bath today to check out the selection. I ended up even more knitting-inspired than I have been lately, and I now just can't wait to knit. I've gotten about 5 inches done on the front of Jim's sweater, so now I have a back, a sleeve, and a significant portion of the front done. I'm going for done before I leave, we'll see how that works out. I'm hopeful.

I had dinner with Leah, her roommate Sara(h?), and Barry on Wednesday night. We had a wonderful time, and talked about so many things. It was really inspiring to be around adults with so many different interests. Especially those unrelated to science. I mean, I love science and all, but it's neat to be around people who aren't involved directly. Sarah is a poet, and Leah is an artist, and Barry has been my mentor and advisor for years. Leah showed me a poem on marriage from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran which I thought was really beautiful. I'm now reading the whole poem, slowly. I think it needs absorption, and I haven't stopped to absorb a piece of writing lately.

Jim set up a Fark Personal to find more friends. Now that we're all gradgitated, it's a bit more difficult to find friends. His in college were all manwhores, and mine were all psycho, so...we've whittled down our social lives to the bare minimum. At least I have Lisa (HI LISA!!)... Anyhow, Jim's personal is pretty funny, check it out. If you search for men seeking either men or women within 5 miles of 04011, you get 2 profiles, one of which is Jim's and the other of which is this boy who lived in my house last year and decided he was completely in love with me. His life would have been much better if he could only be with me, according to him. I refuse to confirm or deny his hypothesis. I just found it somewhat amusing that both the men who placed personals in Brunswick were/are simultaneously in love with me. I feel like such a heartbreaker. Ha.

Jim is now home, and photoshopping a photo of himself. He's making it look quite interesting, if not good. Just joshin, Jimmy.

Anyhow, I'm too obsessed with knitting at the moment to continue spending time on my computer...so...

Sad Day In Music History (what else is new?)

Today was a sad day indeed. I was saddened to hear of Johnny Cash and John Ritter's deaths, albeit for different reasons; Johnny Cash because he was such an important part of music history and follows the tragic losses of George Harrison and Warren Zevon, and John Ritter because he was so young and had families.

In other news, Lisa thinks that Jim and I are fun people and enjoys going out with us. Now, I know we are fun people, but it's nice to have my narcissism confirmed. Tomorrow Jim and Lisa and I are going to the Red Hook Brewery Music Festival, which promises to be a good time. I've seen Keller Williams, The Samples, and Percy Hill before, and look forward to seeing the Aaron Katz Band. Crazy Maggie I've never heard of, but they can't be that bad in such good company.

Ate subs for dinner. It's nice to make a meal with nearly no cleanup. The only thing that really requires washing is the pan I made bacon in (set the smoke alarm off twice but it's the best bacon I've ever made) (Jim likes clubs), and it doesn't really require that much washing because we're just going to use it again tomorrow morning for a nice greasy eggs and bacon brunch. Just so my arteries don't harden entirely, I have 6 kiwis waiting for consumption. Which, I assure you, will not happen instantaneously or even all in one day. I have tried such follies before and have paid the price. With a bloody tongue.

I heard "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot today on the radio, and it made me cry. It also made me laugh because I've recently watched High Fidelity.

I've been trying to make my website for my upcoming trip (barely more than a month until I leave) to Antarctica. Barely any luck. I just keep reading other people's websites and wasting time.